I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
