i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
