bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So vagazzling was a success
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
