bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
