thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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