Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
