Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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