Nicole vs. Life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
