I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
