Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
