what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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