i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize