I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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