she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
