There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
