My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
