why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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