Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
