Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
