Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
