oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Randomize