I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
