They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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