Since when is my name a synonym for head?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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