Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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