It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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