not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize