Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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