you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
