I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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