fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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