I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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