Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
