Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
