how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
