My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
