Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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