i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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