dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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