Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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