I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
