dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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