he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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