it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
