i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
