if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
