The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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