I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
