Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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