Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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