I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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