My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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