I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
