whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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