I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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