i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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