we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
