You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
