Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
