I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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