I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
