That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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