no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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