Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
