Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
