I'd wear matching sweaters with you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
