Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize