The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
