god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
