my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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