I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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