i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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