i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Success! We fucked roommates!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
